5:30
Lately my dog has been my alarm every morning, she wakes up so early — I feel like sometimes she gives me a bit more time to sleep if she can still hold her pee, but she makes it a point to let me know that “hey that’s enough sleeping you need to bring me downstairs so I can pee and drink my water”.
With my eyes barely open I’ll turn on my lights pet my dog, open my door let her lead the way on the staircase, carry her down, lay her to the living room, turn the lights on, open the lanai door, let her outside to get to her business, while I prepare her water and pre-breakfast meal (she has her breakfast around 7:00–7:30).
By this time my parents are probably awake, my mom boiling water for their early coffee and tea while my dad opens the water compressor to fill the water tank upstairs.
While having their coffee I let them watch over our dog and I go back upstairs, to my bed and catch a 15–30 more minutes of sleep aka just me lying on bed blankly staring on my ceiling or casually scrolling through my phone until I finally get up and prepare for the day.
7:00
I login for work, my sister is on her way to work as well, play a bit with our dog and off she goes. Most of the employees on my dad’s furniture shop starts to arrive for work, chat with each other while finishing a cup of coffee and my mom sweeping up leaves and other trash from the night and that’s how our household’s day basically starts.
8:30
We eat breakfast my mom prepared! The past months since my mom came back from a trip, she is doing all the cooking since our helper’s husband had a stroke, so we didn’t have the help. My mom usually cooks to feed about 10–15 people including myself — although technically my breaktime from work is not until 9 o’clock, I take it up earlier, my company is still in a work from home setup so I kind of still have the digression in using my break times as long as I have the status on so no one will be looking for me during those times.
After breakfast we all go back to work.
Our household is without a doubt a busy household — everybody is working, people come and go.
8:45–11:00
I’m basically in front of my desktop.
Either working with my files, chatting with my co-workers while listening to a music or a podcast — pretty boring, although in between work I try to go downstairs (posing it as an exercise where in reality it’s just really my way down either at the kitchen to get something to munch on, or at my mom’s bedroom just to check on her, maybe annoy her for no reason and or tend to my dog and play fetch).
11:30
We eat lunch.
Our household strictly follow a schedule on eating breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner.
I make use of my lunch break diligently. Depending on my appetite sometimes I don’t eat lunch and just try to take a nap but most of the time I’m just on my phone, chatting with friends, scrolling through my feed, liking random memes or reels, saving funny videos to share in the future with whomever I think will also find the video fun and take picture or video from the shop if necessary.
12:30–4:00
Again, in front of my desktop, working on files, meeting deadlines, phone calls and a lot of extra commercials in between.
During this time, I also like to drink iced coffee, so I make my own and try to stay awake until I end my work shift.
Like my lunch break I also diligently logoff at work on time upon completion of my tasks so that I still have some time left to do other stuff so I can say that I do have a work-life balance.
I try to read a couple of pages from a book, chat with my mom or my dad if he is not busy, if I found a new movie that I think we might all be interested to watch we’ll save it and have a watch party before or after dinner. I also watch a lot of YouTube videos, probably the most used app on my phone.
6:30
We have dinner early, for some reason my brother when he was still single and lives in my parents’ house, he suggested that we should eat dinner at least 3 hours before we sleep for proper digestion purposes, so it’s always been this early we eat dinner.
You probably guess that we sleep early as well. Since our day starts early, we like to get enough sleep, by 8 we’re probably in bed and by 9 someone starts to fall asleep. Not the case for me though. Ironically, I find myself having a hard time sleeping alone, but if I try to sleep over with my sister’s room or my mom, I fall asleep easily but when I’m alone I tend to think a lot! I’m bed early but that doesn’t mean I sleep early, but my waking time has always been on time.
zzZ
Some random midnight thoughts that keeps me awake:
We know things at some level but don’t know what to do with it.
My recollection of the past years of my life was all positive, hopeful — all about seeing the good in the bad, acknowledgement of the worst part and reassuring myself I am lucky so never cease to be grateful. That seems so long ago.
Love
“It seems to me that love could be labeled poison and we’d still drink it”, when we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused; and I am all those things.
Lost
My obsessive interest and feelings about something or a person are very persistent. It sometimes disrupts my mind and crashes my heart all the time and I end up losing myself — I don’t know how. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about their own.
I’m in the Aleph. I have this dilemma of revealing something so dark and painful, but then again, I always think of the people who will be greatly affected if I did. I don’t want to ruin such honor and respect; I couldn’t imagine it. I loved it so much that I don’t want to ruin it in the eyes of people that cherished it all they’re life.
Hanging in space. So, I am thumped with the idea of revealing only the half-truth.
Suffocated. Then here I am, knowing all of this but couldn’t do anything. Sometimes I ponder, is it them that I am protecting or myself — pretending not to know anything and acting as if I don’t know anything about what happened in order to maintain my own happiness. Ironically, I am not happy.
Confused
The more I think, the more confused I get and the more it takes a great toll on my well-being. I am trapped with the never-ending idea of “What if?” “What might?” “What could have?” and “What never will?”
Constant thinking, worries, crying and disassociating myself. With the effort to move forward as if nothing obscure my daily lives, I am constantly disconnected with my thoughts, my feelings, memories and the people around me. All of which just to reroute my focus out of my dilemma. As a consequence, my sense of identity becomes indistinct as time goes on.
I was so overwhelmed and mentally exhausted that I couldn’t overcome even a single task without the pain of breaking down. These feelings and emotions I’ve felt and still feel emerges differently, sometimes it creeps over time and at some point, sneaks without a warning. They come; they go.
There might be a turning point in our lives and on my late 20s I lived to see them through. My turning point is still in the process. A painful, emotional and scary process. I will move forward; I don’t know where.
It will pass. Someday. Sure. Everything. Everything goes.
