Too many things happened but for what it’s worth, I am here — back on my element.
It’s been a hot minute, lets catch up!
July 2022
I remember, 6 months ago I tried writing about my ARMY life (BTS fandom name), still have the draft on my files which kind of been swept away. I’ve been on a slump, for which no matter how I try to write, scrap, start again, dump it, try a new one, persistently I always ends up with a blank draft with a couple of thoughts, ideas, and bursting information I wanted to put into a story.
I may be able to finally finish that one, I may not, maybe and who knows — a month or two, maybe a year or a decade. I can’t commit myself to my own goal, but I just know it’s there and waiting to be accomplished.
One takeaway from this though is that I wanted to share a story that changed my life forever. It all started during the pandemic — which is safe to say that every single people living in this world and those who might have been born and those who left us all — lives changed forever. I found love for the 7 beautiful human beings from South Korea, who loves music. I’ve been meaning to write #MyBTSStory for so long now since I became ARMY — but for an unknown reason I don’t know what to say and let alone how to even start my overflowing thoughts about them and my experience of being their fans and the life’s perspectives they forever changed — rather, inspired me in a lot of aspects.
And that is all I can say for now.
August 2022
All I can remember was Taylor Swifts song August, lyrics:
Back when we were still changin’ for the better
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
To live for the hope of it all
You probably thought I’d say August slipped away into a moment of time, well, it did, and I’ll say it too.
But the above line, it’s not a about a fancy and touching story of romance as I see these lines I think of innocence and living in the moment. As an adult (for which I can without bitterness, say that in fact I am an adult) there are just constant worries, wearies, woes, wills, wishes and whims — I keep on wondering, and telling myself, how innocence is such a gem to have and allows you to enjoy genuinely without all the emotions that starts with the letter W, and all the other letter in the alphabet.
We always, or I always thought back then everything in the future is for the better, I am thankful for today, it is enough, I live in the moment, hopeful — and that is all what is at stake.
Little did I know.
September 2022
Three months slipped away so fast, the next morning I woke up it’s the BER months already, I can already feel the breeze of happiness, I can almost smell nostalgia from last year’s joyous celebrations, I practically felt the urge to play a song fit for the month and I, more or less day dreamed of how I wish to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year the way it was beautifully conveyed in movies, songs and other people’s story all over the world, in a way very different from where I came from.
Undeniably, I am talking about Christmas. I mentioned BER months for the reason that I lived in the Philippines and here once September hit the calendars you start to feel Christmas already, your neighbors playing Christmas songs, you go to the mall, the displays at the department store mainly occupies Christmas decors, wherein in one city which is considered the lantern capital of the Philippines starts to make their infamous giant lanterns in preparation for the city’s festival held annually, and across streets different sizes, shapes and color of lanterns are everywhere, the delicacies that are traditionally made and sold during Christmas season, puto bumbong ang bibingka.
This year, I can say that September has been an eye opening, an inspiration and a cheerleader for me, not only it ignited the Christmas spirit early on but this month I was able to travel with my mom to visit my brother and sister-in-law in the kingdom of wealth — UAE.
As an icebreaker a while ago, I was asked what one thing I wanted to see happening this year except for world peace — I responded that I would try to live life to the fullest again, experience new things, a place, people, food and or activity — and ultimately, good health will permit all of these to happen (except for time and financial capabilities, of course!).
In September, I am grateful that I was capable of being able to experience a travel out of the country (thanks to my good health and generous brother who gifted us this wonderful trip). I made it a point to enjoy this trip and cherish the opportunity. It was one for the books, indeed! I know that it is a rare opportunity for a lot of people, so I made sure to never took it for granted and live every minute of it to the fullest.
I had the time of my life, spending most of it with my best friend, Mom.
I was just simply grateful and will try to have new experiences this year too, life is too short, and the world has so much, waiting to be seen.
October 2022
I wanted to trust myself, what I am telling myself and what I ultimately want to happen for my life — after all I’m 27 now. I think I’ve lived long enough to get to know myself and trust it in the process — I will constantly be in the status of constantly knowing myself, but for what I’ve known now and discovered. I think it is safe for me to be in one with my mind, my spirit, and my body.
November 2022
Two of the best gift God had given my family were born in the month of November. Need I say more?
This month I dedicate with my beautiful niece and nephew. Little do they know that they are the greatest blessings to our life and from now on I’m just committed to be the coolest aunt they could ever have — also their godmother.
December 2022
I never knew how much I missed interacting with people.
With the spirit of Christmas, gatherings started to be set again and I was able to meet my beautiful friends, workmates, and relatives — nothing a virtual connection can beat.
Times are hard, as a lot can say. This year I wanted to be hopeful again — in the fullness of time being grateful last year made me appreciate every little thing life has taught me. Life can never be rainbows all the time. As all words have the opposite meaning, and so are the life moments we experience. It’s not easy for me, nor to many people.
Ultimately, as I don’t want to regret my life spent dispassionately not because I don’t have a choice but because that is what I chose to do — all I can do and will try my best to do is believe.
I’ve experienced a very difficult year in the past and found myself always leaning to find reasons to be optimist — this year I thought, 2022 wasn’t as bad as the past years, it has been a cheerleader for me so how in the hell I could not be grateful?
I am looking forward to you, new year! I think I can never be prepared for whatever you have instore for me, but I can breakthrough.
