Just when I thought I had this connection to someone who is a genuine human being, leading to a lot of health scare and trials in life that I don’t know I’ll be facing — then that someone disappeared.
Of all times you chose to disappear in my life at that exact moment when my mom was scheduled for a surgery.
Of all times you chose to disappear in my life, when the kindest soul and most gentle person who is so dear to me passed away.
Of all times you chose to disappear in my life when it would have been a little easier to navigate through those scares and lost only if there is someone I can lean on, to cheer me on and talk to me.
Of all times you chose to disappear in my life was when I finally decide to open up and welcome someone in my sacred space — heart.
Of all times you chose to disappear in my life when I am ready to consider to love and lost.
I am processing all of these challenges in life at the same time reeling your disappearance.
I pity myself.
I know it wasn’t your responsibility to be beside me through these times and I shouldn’t be blaming you — I just couldn’t help but question, of all times you could have disappear, it should be at one of my lowest points, and surely will feel the magnitude of lost.
I am allowing myself today to have this pity, feel the lost and the pain — sometimes it feels good to savor the agony.
For tomorrow I’ll be back exactly just the way when you decide to appear, I am a whole person before you and I think I can still be whole after YOU —
